on the horizon

i remember running across soccer fields

barefoot, and the grass was cold

but we didn’t care.

and i remember we’d sneak off

in the trees around the edges

and kiss cute boys,

and it didn’t matter

that it wasn’t going to go anywhere.

we didn’t know what love was then,

we just wanted to have fun,

and the only reason to do anything

was to say we had.

and it didn’t matter, and

we never thought we would die.

even when we wanted to, we didn’t think

we could die.

even when someone did, someone we knew

(or we thought we did, anyway),

dying was for old people.

and planning was for people

who didn’t think they had much time left.

but we just did whatever would make us

happy,

popular,

cool,

get the guy

(or the girl).

we never planned anything,

and the only effort we exerted

was towards sports

and skipping school.

and it didn’t matter.

until it did.

and we didn’t know what to do.

and we still don’t, and we still don’t know

if any of this matters.

lexxie rae 09.17.2017

Advertisements

follow the spiders

my mind is a spiderweb

made on a single-line drawing

at the center sits God

his legs gently touching each segment

the edges are strung up over the worlds

and fiery earth sits at the bottom right

cornered by an eight-legged angel

the horns on earth’s head struggle to free him

but God’s friend keeps the red fly imprisoned

i sit between his wings and watch him die

and wonder how no one else can see

that this confrontation is only one intersection

and every dash connects back to the core

– lexxie rae 09.07.2017

life update

hey guys, it’s been a while (again). i promise i’ll be writing here more…because i won’t be in school full time!! that’s right, i decided to take a semester off except for one independent study course and start working more. i’ll be back to full time in the spring semester, but for now, this is my best option.

this will turn into a lot more of a poetry platform. i’m trying to compile enough material to publish a poetry book but due to my academic commitments i haven’t been writing much at all these past few years. over the next four months i plan to write at least two poems per week, most of which will be posted here. i’ll also be doing coffee date posts twice a month.

happy halloween season!! (the halloween store is open and there are apples on trees okay shush)

lexxie rae xx

grateful dead

i am a scratch on your seventies records

unnoticed among many

but just deep enough to warp the music

a blank canvas can have no ink splatters

when the paint ran dry seven years ago

so you hid the negative space

with tears and blood from the kitchen knife

no one should look too deep into your eyes

for the lead concentration

from the only paint you could salvage to color them

is a carcinogen too potent for the mind to scheme a cure

the doors have locks

to keep the night at bay

and the shadows play

where the light is strong

– lexxie 07-16-2014

coffee date three

so since i haven’t done one of these in a while, and since i forgot to do this month’s gratefulness entry in my bullet journal, i thought i’d write all the blessing God has given me here!!

first of all, the things i am grateful for today: i got ALL the harry potter books (yes including fantastic beasts and the cursed child) AND the two newest ones were on sale AND my mom has a barnes & noble membership so i got an extra ten percent off those ones. this is amazing because my brother had all the original ones but when he moved either he took them with or my mom donated them, so now i have them again. i also found the “poorly drawn lines” book, and since i’ve been following reza on tumblr for years of course i had to get it!! adding to the excitement: other than one sentence on my speech outline (have to get it approved by the prof), ALL my homework is done!! AND i have monday off school; i’m planning to use it to go to our local “coffee with a cop” session. God of course gives the greatest blessing of all daily (the fact that i’m not dead), but damn if this isn’t a great day.

next, things i’m grateful for this week – i went to our state DECA competition (note: i am not a business student) and i placed in an event!! this means i get to go to the ICDC in april, which just so happens to be in anaheim (read: disneyland) this year. also, i got a day off school for it – didn’t help with the homework situation, but it was nice. and while i was there i got to have dinner with my best friend that i only see a few times every year. in fact, when we first became friends at a summer camp we saw each other every day for a week, and then we didn’t see each other again for two years!! so i guess you can say i was pretty happy.

finally, things i’m grateful for this month – the love and support of my family and two of my closest friends has been everything to me, both as they help me reconnect with God and as i go through life after a horrible series of events last fall. also, the fact that this semester i’ve managed to decrease my anxiety and step outside of my comfort zone is terrifying, simply because it’s not what i’m used to, but amazing. just a few examples of this: i started volunteering at the humane society, i’m going to be president of a new student organization (i hate running meetings so this should be fun), and i actually competed in DECA instead of just going to the meetings. i’m also part of our school newspaper’s rebranding into a more lit mag-esque student publication, which is a process i’m so grateful to be part of.

every day can have amazing gifts from God, if only you choose to see them and thank Him xx

release through writing

so a lot has been going on in the last few years, and often i feel like i have no one to talk to about it. subsequently, there have been many times i’ve risen in the wee hours of the morning, mind cluttered with anxieties.

i have a tiny notebook i keep by my bed, along with a purple pen. this has been my poetry book for the last four years, and recently it’s been getting a lot fuller. i also keep poems on my google drive, most of which i’ve posted on tumblr. poetry is an excellent release for emotion because it can take any form to fit my thoughts.

one of my favorite poets.
one of my favorite poets. this poem, i believe, is her best, and this reading of it is spectacular.

and so, i encourage all of you: when you have a moment of intense emotion, positive, negative, or otherwise, vent it through poetry. cast aside all the rules and regulations of couplets, sonnets, iambic pentameter that you were taught in school – or use them, if that is your forte. and write, friends. write. the eyes are the windows to the soul, they say, but words are the keys to understanding oneself.

*^^*

– lexxie rae xx